Pardon me while I state the obvious, but having a baby changes everything! The first few months are filled with new and exciting wonders, and you kind of float through life cast under the blissful spell of the baby. As the spell began to wear off, I realized that something had changed between hubby and me. Nobody ever said marriage is easy, but there’s nothing that puts that to the test as much as bringing a new life into the world! The sleepless nights and lack of romance can certainly put a toll on the ease of any relationship, and ours wasn’t exempt.
We had been together for over ten years before we made the decision to start a family. There were many factors that contributed to our waiting, but mostly it never felt incomplete with just us. We didn’t need to go out for fancy dinners or take long vacations; we’re the kind of couple that just enjoys being together. Call me a homebody, but spending a night on the couch with a good movie and my man was all I needed at the end of a long week.
The pace of our lives had changed. Our infinite time together was gone, and there were days when I couldn’t remember if I kissed my husband “hello.” As we became all-consumed with taking care of and getting to know our little man, I started to miss my hubby. He used to be the focal point of my days, and after the baby was born the focus shifted.
As a wife, I feel guilty for not doing things I had always done before. Cooking a delicious dinner, getting dressed up just for fun or keeping an impeccably clean home are things I just can’t guarantee on a consistent basis anymore. Ok, so maybe my house wouldn’t have passed the white glove test, but there weren’t trails of toys and piles of clothes like there are now. I can guarantee there wasn’t splattered milk all over my kitchen either. Spill-free sippy cups are a lie! Of course, I don’t enjoy an unkempt home, but I choose to use my time differently now. In the same vein, I would love if hubby were able to cross some things off his “honey-do” list, but alas, his free-time is spent doing Daddy duties.
The point is, our time is limited, and we have to show our affection differently now. Instead of spending an evening preparing a great meal, I now thoughtfully ask him what he’d like me to pick up on the way home. We have to appreciate and celebrate the small things; otherwise we’d be in a constant state of frustration. There is a picture of hubby and me in the hospital, taken about an hour before Micah was born. It’s the last picture ever taken of us as a family of two. I have it displayed in a double frame next to the first picture of us with Micah. I get nostalgic when I think about the endless hours we used to spend together and remind myself to make the little moments count.
Yes, life is different now. Sleepy Sunday mornings have a new meaning for us. We used to sleep in before heading to brunch and leisurely drinking coffee with friends. There’s less sleeping and more coffee, but now we have an amazing little man with us at brunch. There’s no amount of sleep that could top that. One thing hasn’t changed – we still spend our Friday nights watching movies on the couch. I look forward to starting a family movie night when Micah is older. For now, we cuddle with the video monitor between us as I struggle to stay awake until the end of the movie!